Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
