morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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