If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my liver is dry heaving
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
