I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm at about main and main street
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
