Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
