I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
