I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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