He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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