I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
