people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
