i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
