i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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