i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
