oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
