And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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