he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
