idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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