so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
as a side note pls kill me
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