This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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