Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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