I've blown a few things in my day
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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