Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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