Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
