At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
