Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
