My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
