oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
