i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
