I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
