I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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