My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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