perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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