are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
