someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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