Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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