I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
