oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
