I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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