im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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