So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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