He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
