I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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