Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
