im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
