i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
someone threw a dead crab at me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize