when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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