I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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