Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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