Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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