New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
