so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
