call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
