You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
