I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
