please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
