What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
