I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
