just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
