she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
