Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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