i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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