if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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