Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
