You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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