If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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